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Blogs > whoisagentj > The Dossier of Agent J

Sometimes, you win...other times, you stumble and fall.  

whoisagentj 54M
661 posts
12/9/2017 7:45 pm

Last Read:
12/12/2017 4:07 pm
Sometimes, you win...other times, you stumble and fall.

I was in the local chat room today. As I was there, I noticed someone I had been trying to talk to for a while now, and I couldn't get a chance to talk to her. So I took a risk, a gamble if you will, and asked her if she might want to get together sometime to hang out. I never asked her for sex, just to see if we could hang out so we could get to know each other.

She replied that she would not and that she did not reply to someone asking her in a public chat room to hang out. What happened next kind of took me back. Within moments, a couple of the guys within the room started to insult me, call me stupid for asking her out, and then they began to verbally attack me within the room.

Instead of lashing back, I took the high road from them attacking me. I replied back that "because I'm a standard member, and that I wanted to hang out with her, I thought I would take a gamble at asking her to hang out so I could get to know her. And I fully endorse and respect a woman's right to say no."

Of course some of the males in the room continued to ridicule me, but I will admit, not only did a couple of women in the room come to my defense, but the woman I asked out as well. She commended me for respecting her right to say no. And I in turn thanked her for her honesty that she told me no and was honest. And one of the guys said that I showed guts, because he said he couldn't have done that.

Was I right or wrong to ask her in a public situation? I don't fully know. I didn't want to or mean to embarrass her, and it's possible that I might have done that. So if this person is reading my blog, well, if that is how you felt, my apologies as that was not my intention. But still, I fully believe that if you don't try at all, you'll always miss 100% percent of the shots you take. You have to try, regardless of a loss of ego or pride or embarrassment.

So why share this? Why share my failure with you? I think I would want people to understand and realize that if you fear failure and only take the safe road, when it's convenient and easy, then of course, it will be safe and easy. But as my father always said "You have to risk it for the biscuit." Or in this case, the prize. What this means is, if you don't risk things in life, get out of your comfort zone, sure...you may fall. But when you fall, you learn to get back up, and keep getting back up again and again, so that sure you might still have fear, but you won't be afraid when the time comes to do what is right. And yeah, I've fallen a lot. But I know that when things get tough, and when you end up succeeding in the rough moments and win, that's when the victory is the sweetest.

So yeah. I failed. Yes, I've fallen. But I won't let fear rule my life, and I'll keep taking risks. And even if I fail, at least I tried. But I'm determined not to fail, no matter how many times I get knocked down. I will get back up, dust myself off, and keep trying no matter what.

So take your losses with dignity, for they only make you stronger. My favorite saying of all is from Friedrich Nietzsche...and it goes like this...

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”


And so far, I'm still kicking and breathing. And I'm stronger because of it. Thanks for reading.
Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...

Agent


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
12/12/2017 1:17 am

 some women do not like being TOLD what to do. ...

. .... You're not telling any woman "What to do"..... You're "Telling" her what you want, instead of asking her for permission to [we will say] talk to her. You don't need her permission to open a dialog with her.

She still has the option of , "Yes" or "No". Free will and all that, to walk away. But meanwhile your impression is confidence. Maybe another will notice your approach, and pick up on you.


MissCinders 58F
1533 posts
12/11/2017 10:36 am

 Oh agent that room is full of trolls and know it alls. You did nothing wrong and as someone above said, it just wasnt right for her. If I am interested in a potential meeting, I would not want to discuss that in a chatroom. For me, that has to be done privately.


whoisagentj replies on 12/11/2017 3:41 pm:
And I would agree, but at the same time, it's not easy for a person who is a standard member. It works against standard members who cannot directly message a person and the IM is very spotty to the point in which sometimes it delivers a message to a person, and other times it doesn't and you have no clue when a message is sent. So trying to catch someone in the IM at the right time and get a hold of them is like finding a needle in a haystack in Kansas. It's nearly impossible to catch someone at the right time at the right place when you are a standard member. And when you can't afford being a standard member here, your chances are nearly zero.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
12/11/2017 2:21 am

 whoisagentj replies on 12/10/2017 9:04 pm:
Well, I don't quite agree with just telling her "Hey I would love for us to get together and fuck." Because that's rude. I wouldn't ask someone that in a bar or a public place. So why is here any different? Because this is supposedly an adult dating website? No! I get the idea of being confident. But I think you should ask politely, not demand it with confidence. I do think that I could present it more confidently, like "Hey, I like how you act, and I think we need to go out sometime and get to know each other better."

I get that.

=====================

Well, I don't quite agree with just telling her "Hey I would love for us to get together and fuck." Because that's rude. .... On this site, that's not rude. On Eharmony, yes, rude.

So leave off the , "..and fuck". Just tell any woman, "I would like to get together with you". Don't say , "..love to get together".... .that reeks of -"I am too available, nobody wants to meet me". So don't even mention , "Love".

I wouldn't ask someone that in a bar or a public place. ... Again , don't "Ask", just "Tell". In other words,......"Invite" her to be with you. Avoid "Asking"..... It's not rude to be confident in yourself.

In a public place is where your confidence is going to make the first impression , even more so.....So yes, you should invite women in a public place , too. Don't , "Ask". That's like a plead.

So why is here any different? .... Because here, online, what she "Reads" is visceral, or it's weak [to her]. Just like characters in a book, except you're the author of yourself. You're trying to make the confident impression. Not the weak impression.

Because this is supposedly an adult dating website? No! ....You're right, "No".... Even on Eharmony, you want to avoid , "Asking" the woman. You want to avoid making the weak impression.

I get the idea of being confident. .... Not quite , you don't.

But I think you should ask politely, not demand it with confidence. .... See, that's your weakness sitting on your shoulder telling you it's rude, it's demanding. ...... I did not say anywhere to "Demand".

You can "Tell" her politely. The woman picks up on the vibe she reads. And of course the woman will pick up on the vibe from you, when she meets you.

There is nothing demanding , nothing rude about showing confidence.

I do think that I could present it more confidently, like "Hey, I like how you act, and I think we need to go out sometime and get to know each other better." ..... No . Not like that. Too many words. Coming off as shy. Just tell her, " I would like to meet you".

And if she says okay, you should have a place and time already loaded , to use.

If she doesn't like that place or time, or both, then she will offer up an alternative. If she doesn't? Well that's a pretty good clue that she isn't interested.


whoisagentj replies on 12/11/2017 3:48 pm:
Ok, and that's fine. But again, the way you are presenting this to me is in a condescending manner. Plus as I've said before, I am not a child, so please do not talk down to me as one. And don't think that you are not, because you are.

I get the idea of being confident. .... Not quite , you don't.

Don't tell me that isn't condescending. I am capable of understanding what you are saying, but the way you are approaching me in the manner you are talking to me is not meant to be polite.

Are you correct? Yes. I know being confident is important, but here, some women do not like being TOLD what to do. Which is why I ask. What you perceive as weakness, I perceive as being considerate. Now if a woman wants to think of me as weak, let her. She doesn't know me, even though I am attempting to do so. So if she wants to have a preconceived notion of what I am, that's not the person for me in the first place.

In short, I agree with what you are saying. But the manner in which you are telling me is condescending.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
12/10/2017 6:16 pm

 But I wasn't. I was asking to for us to hang out so I could get to know her first. I don't ask for sex. That's pathetic. .... Still , you don't "Ask" to hangout with her, either.
She knows you're not gay, and she knows why men want to "Get to know her".... so just cut to the front of the line , "Tell" her you would like to have sex with her. .....Is that cocky? Sure the hell is, but then it glows confidence, and women viscerally like that in a man.

Don't worry about embarrassing the woman. Be confident, be sure of what you speak. You don't know her, or how she is going to react, but you do know she is on a sex site, and you do know there are potentially scores of men trying to approach her via the "Nice guy" act. You saw that for your self, if any of those other men worked up the nerve to even attempt to invite her out, they would have "Asked", not "Told". You can be polite without being a doormat. There is nothing impolite about self confidence.

So my point , be confident and not afraid of rejection. Confidence is stronger, not rude.

I've had other message me and tell me how you are abrasive and your attitude where you attack others and demean them. .... No, I haven't attacked them. Like your notes above, I pointed out better alternatives , or obvious truths, and, as you seem to think , they thought they were being attacked. You're not being attacked.

I shared this for others to help them see that they should take chances and reach out to better themselves. ... I too, but not apologetically and not with your head down. Be confident. Don't "Ask". Just tell the woman what you want. She still says, Yes or No.


whoisagentj replies on 12/10/2017 9:04 pm:
Well, I don't quite agree with just telling her "Hey I would love for us to get together and fuck." Because that's rude. I wouldn't ask someone that in a bar or a public place. So why is here any different? Because this is supposedly an adult dating website? No! I get the idea of being confident. But I think you should ask politely, not demand it with confidence. I do think that I could present it more confidently, like "Hey, I like how you act, and I think we need to go out sometime and get to know each other better."

I get that.

***************

Well, calling me a boy man isn't flattering nor is it pointing out to me a better alternative while insulting me. I'm a 47 year old man, Heathen.

***************

I didn't do this with my head down. I posted how I posted with humility and also with intent to help educate men here. And I also posted it with tact. You don't go in attacking a person's ideals or ideology with an abrasive nature. You present the facts and ideals with a soft and understanding but teachable nature. If you go in attacking a person's ideology or in a way that disturbs a person to change how they think, they will reject the facts, even if the facts are the truth. They will reject facts and the truth because you are attacking and challenging their ideology. You have to give facts and ideas in a way that allows a person to see them in a non-threatening manner so that they will accept them and deal with the truth on their own terms.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
12/9/2017 9:25 pm

 and asked her if she might want to get together sometime to hang out. ... Don't "Ask" a woman if she wants to hang out. "Tell" the woman you want to meet her.

I never asked her for sex, .... If ever you were going to ask, don't "Ask" for sex either. Always "Tell" the woman , "I'd like to have sex with you".

She replied that she would not and that she did not reply to someone asking her in a public chat room to hang out. ...No.
She lied to you. She would have jumped at the chance to meet you , if she was at all attracted to you. Which, she was not.

Within moments, a couple of the guys within the room started to insult me, call me stupid for asking her out, and then they began to verbally attack me within the room. .... Don't worry about it..... they were sitting there with their cock in hand, wanting to do the same thing you did, but they were too shy.

Instead of lashing back, I took the high road from them attacking me. I replied ... You don't need to reply in this situation. You don't need to say you endorse the "No" thing .

And one of the guys said that I showed guts, because he said he couldn't have done that..... That's right. The wall flowers don't get pussy.

Was I right or wrong to ask her in a public situation? .... "Right". But you go private with her , to work out the details.

I didn't want to or mean to embarrass her, ... Oh come on... the woman is on a dating site. Not your concern if she gets embarrassed.

and it's possible that I might have done that. ...So the fuck what! She's done this before.

my apologies as that was not my intention. ... You have nothing to apologize for . Knock it off!

So why share this? ...Yeah, bad idea. You're coming off as mealy mouthed man-boy.

Why share my failure with you? ...You should never advertise your failures , especially on dating site. Women are not attracted to failure. Don't advertise it.


whoisagentj replies on 12/10/2017 3:09 pm:
Don't "Ask" a woman if she wants to hang out. "Tell" the woman you want to meet her. Sorry Heathen. That's a bit too cocky. You have your way, I have mine.

If ever you were going to ask, don't "Ask" for sex either. Always "Tell" the woman , "I'd like to have sex with you". But I wasn't. I was asking to for us to hang out so I could get to know her first. I don't ask for sex. That's pathetic.

No. She lied to you. She would have jumped at the chance to meet you , if she was at all attracted to you. Which, she was not. See, that's possible she was lying. But again, I can't read minds, so I have to give her the benefit of the doubt in which I have to take her words at face value. Could she have been lying to save face? Yes, possible. But again, I don't know that, so I have to go on what she has said as her word and leave it at that.

Don't worry about it..... they were sitting there with their cock in hand, wanting to do the same thing you did, but they were too shy. Probably. But again, I wasn't going to play their game when they verbally attacked me.

You don't need to reply in this situation. You don't need to say you endorse the "No" thing. Well, since I already did it, it's in the past. I felt like replying to it, so I did and made the choice to move on from there.

"Right". But you go private with her , to work out the details. And that's what I had planned to do, but she shot me down quickly there, so I never even finished that thought.

Oh come on... the woman is on a dating site. Not your concern if she gets embarrassed. But see I don't know that. There are some women on here in which you don't know how they are going to react, thus I maintain being polite at all times.

So the fuck what! She's done this before. Maybe, but I still wanted to maintain myself as being polite.

You have nothing to apologize for . Knock it off! Maybe not. But I am trying to maintain myself along with my moral and ethical values as to how I was raised. Which bring me to this next one below...

Yeah, bad idea. You're coming off as mealy mouthed man-boy. Now hold up. I've given you some very wide latitudes here. I've had other message me and tell me how you are abrasive and your attitude where you attack others and demean them. I'm always one to give people a chance, and in your posts, while some of your advice has been good, this won't fly with me here.
I shared this for others to help them see that they should take chances and reach out to better themselves. So fucking what if you think this makes me look like a man-boy in your opinion. Again, this is MY BLOG. Not yours. So you get a warning, it's the only one you get. Are we clear?

You should never advertise your failures , especially on dating site. Women are not attracted to failure. Don't advertise it.

My failures are my own. And yes, you are correct, women are not attracted to failures. But where you see failure, I see that I kept my morals and ethics, I ASKED her to see if we could get to know each other better, not asking her for sex, and that when she said no, and then other men attacked me, I stood up for myself and my beliefs, defended her right to say no, and then moved on. And then I posted this not to make myself look pathetic or a man-boy in your eyes, but to show other guys on her how they should be handling themselves in a public chat room, and in the face of me being rejected, I took the high road, and I wrote this blog to help others not be afraid of being rejected.

So what if I got rejected? I've been rejected hundreds of times before. It just shows it wasn't meant to be, and thus I carried myself as I always try to do, with respect for myself. That's why I made this post, to help others try. And even if they fail, then at least they tried.

Look Heathen, I respect and appreciate you coming by and sharing your view, but let's try to keep it to where you don't attack me. Advise with respect and politeness, not dump your ideology and attack with insults, alright?

pagancountrygirl 66F  
Ask me for a photo
6466 posts
12/9/2017 9:18 pm

 If you never ask, the answer will always be no.
Keep trying!
Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


whoisagentj replies on 12/10/2017 2:34 pm:
I agree. My philosophy is the one shot you don't take could have been the one to make a difference.

porterpiper1 57F
3755 posts
12/9/2017 8:52 pm

 I can't see anything you did wrong, and those people who were attacking you are idiots, they are the type that would be very vulgar to women. Maybe you weren't her type but I would be very honor to have a man on this site to approach me in the manner you approach her, Not asking for sex but asking to get to know the person not their body parts,


whoisagentj replies on 12/10/2017 2:34 pm:
Thank you porter. I truly appreciate it.

whoisagentj 54M
6060 posts
12/9/2017 7:50 pm

 I do like biscuits, very much so.
Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...

Agent


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