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| Blogs > smartgirlinaz > Just a girl in the world |
Loving vs. Being in Love
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Loving vs. Being in Love There is a subject that I've been thinking about quite a bit over the past few years. What is the real difference between loving someone and being in love with them? There are a lot of people that I would say that I love. I care about them deeply, and they are very important to me, but at the same time I sense there is some essential missing secret ingredient. I had a relationship many years ago. He was a wonderful man, and my best friend. In living together for 3 years, we never had a fight. He was kind, considerate, and a wonderful man, and he felt the same way about me. We supported each other and understood each other. To this day we are very good friends. Eventually, I came to feel like something was missing. The only thing I can really point to was that our sex life became sort of perfunctory, but other than that everything was great. Still, it felt like we'd just become best friends. I'm not sure why or how. When I first met my ex-husband and fell for him, I felt vindicated. After that relationship proved very crazy, now I'm wondering if maybe best friends wasn't so bad. I also have a man that I met on here. We are really good friends now, and I care about him dearly. We had awesome sex for over a year. We care about each other, love to hang out and talk or do just about anything together. And yet, we both agree that we are not in love. He once told me, "I can't imagine liking someone any more, but not being in love with them." So, I'm asking the peanut gallery: What is that magic difference between loving someone and being in love? |
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4/11/2009 7:44 am |
"To love another person is to see the face of God..." -from "Do You Hear the People Sing?", Les Miserables IMHO, being in love is not always the runaway, euphoric rush you get when you first fall for someone, but a deep and multi-dimensional connection of mind, body and soul that elevates you to a new level of being. It is a rare and precious thing to be cherished and celebrated. And, yet, being in love is not an end in and of itself but instead is a vehicle for a fantastic journey. OK - I'm a pretty heavy romantic and these are deep thoughts. Nice topic, Smartgirl!
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smart, There's an intangible passion that exists between two people "in love" that transcends all bounds. Despite the arguments and differences, that passion is what the relationship feeds off of and it's clearly much more than simply "caring" for someone. Passion that can make you love and hate someone with equal tenacity at different times. Personally, I wouldn't stay in any relationship if there was no spark, especially not a year or more. But, then again, I'm not a swinger and I don't have sex with people just for the sake of having sex. People are quick to lower standards in order to avoid being alone and that's sad. Never me. DIV "My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur
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"So, I'm asking the peanut gallery: What is that magic difference between loving someone and being in love?" I've struggled with this issue myself over the past 2 years, ironically enough for the same reasons you have. I've yet to come to a concrete conclusion, but I think the "magic" itself is the difference. Loving someone comes from a bond that can be formed in many different ways. I've found this particular bond almost always takes a signifigant amount of time to form. As you begin to recognize and appreciate the quirks and qualities of a certain person due to exposure it allows them to slowly work their way into your heart. You hold them near and dear, but there is just something intangible missing. The magic, the spark, the fire, the aspect that nearly every person on this planet seeks is just not there. You can argue that its a biologically instilled mechanism perpetrated to perpetuate the human race or that when you meet someone that has that missing element your souls were destined to be together, and the universe saw fit to ensure your bodies met to make your life unbearably beautiful. Either way, when you feel it, you will know it, and you will always remember it. Being in love, as the Notebook states, is being in a friendship that is set on fire. --EbbnFlow
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Good thoughts, all. I like the idea of "a friendship that is set on fire." I guess I am the only woman in America that hasn't seen that movie. One thing that EbbnFlow said is that loving someone takes time. But do you find that the 'spark' or the 'magic' is either there at the beginning or not? I didn't used to think it had to be, but lately I've come to think it has to be there from the first kiss or it won't be. The love to pack it up does take time though, but the potential could be instant. I have also been thinking about DIV's comment that it's "Passion that can make you love and hate someone with equal tenacity at different times." I certainly know that is true of some people, but that hasn't been my experience with love. I can't say that I hate anyone with tenacity, least of all someone I love. I've never been the 'fight and make up' type, more of the 'let's sit down and talk about it' type. I've wondered if people that gravitate more toward the extremes feel things more than I do, but I have only my own experience to go by so I can only do what works for me. Certainly that spark is what I'm looking for. Its absence is why I left the first relationship I mentioned (or, rather, its dissappearance, considering I did think it had been there). The second was never meant to be more than FWB, certainly enjoyable for what it is and above the level of sex for the sake of having sex. But it came to an end because I was ready and wanting more.
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difference between loving someone and being in love a very similar sentence was the first sentence that began my "separation" talk. Some women wont accept that and some men want to be in love Like your blog ..girl Next best thing to perfect
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