Time for some drunk rambling
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Posted:Dec 18, 2011 12:15 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2011 11:02 am
1109 Views
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Hi again, I went out tonight, and has a few too many, so I am here and rambling, I saw my 2nd ex-wife tonight, and she was with her boy toy, of course he was drunk so they left shortly after I got there, so I didn't pay them no mind, just sat and drank.
Anyway, after the way my week has been, I drank, and I drank, and I am pretty lit up right now, so forgive me, but I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I guess no matter how much I fight it I lose the battle.
My neighbor brought me home, he's a true friend, but yeah, I am upset, as much as I tried not to let her get to me, she does, and tonight I broke down, and texted her, that she didn't have to leave, on my account, even though I could have easily beat the hell out of her boy toy, that was not my intention, I was just gonna have a few drinks, sing a few songs and go on my merry way.
But like a fool, as I did text her, and she called me, but I didn't answer, I was busy texting her again to tell her that I am over her, and that she could just go play with her boy toy and leave me alone, then the last text I sent her was that I was going home, alone, but at least I was going home with my dignity, and not just somebody's lay, haven't heard from her since.
Anyway, that is about all, I am gonna call a friend, and talk with them about all them all the things going on in my life, a true freind will listen to you, even though you are not in the best frame of mind, and will not judge you, or yell at you. anyway that is it, for now. Thanks for listening to this drunk red-headed guy from Kansas.
Take care, everyone.
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Just need to write something.
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Posted:Dec 16, 2011 11:46 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2011 11:03 am
1162 Views
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Hi again, I will tell you write off the bat, I am not in a good place right now, so I am just writing this as therapy...
I am feeling very down, and depressed, it might just be because I haven't taken my depression medication for two days now, I didn't mean to miss it, it's just that my other meds, make me fall asleep, and since it is supposed to taken at bedtime, I missed it, oh well, I guess I'll have to try harder to stay awake, from now on.
Well, right now, I am very lonely, and as I look at the pics on here, and read the profiles of some of the people, I feel so inferior, maybe honesty isn't the best policy when you're looking for someone, maybe I have already screwed myself by my statements in my profile, and the contacts I've already made, I just feel like I don't have anything to offer anyone, I know I shouldn't compare myself to other people cause I am not like everybody else, but lets face the facts, when it comes to looking for someone, it is the package that most people see first and then if they like it, they might get around to the gift inside, at least that's the vibe I have been getting, not just here, but most of my life.
I mentioned in my first post that I recently caught my 2nd ex-wife, with a younger guy, and he was good looking, muscular and probably had more going for him than I do in his life. I can see why she would want him over me, and it hurts.
Now, I know that a lot of you will say it all about self- confidence, and that might be true, but how am I supposed to have any, after the way things have gone? I mean when I was with someone, I felt good, I felt wanted, and now that I am not, I feel alone, ugly and unworthy, I know that these are issues that I will need to work on with my therapist, but like I said I just wanted to write my emotions out, and isn't that what a blog is for?
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Oh, I almost forgot...
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Posted:Dec 13, 2011 8:59 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2011 11:53 am
983 Views
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I am a songwriter, and musician, so I might post some song lyrics here sometime, And if there is a way, I might actually post the song or a link to where it can be found.
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Well, thought I would give this blog thing a try
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Posted:Dec 13, 2011 8:48 pm
Last Updated:Dec 16, 2011 3:18 pm
920 Views
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Hi everyone, not sure what to write, but figured that I might as well give it a try.
Well, not much to tell, life is the same, I am just figured more of it out everyday. Before I get into that here's a little back story on me.
I am 39 yrs old, a father of two , and I live in Wichita, KS. My marriage of 14yrs, went to hell, when my first wife cheated on me, and then shortly afterwards, I met my 2nd wife, and since it was a rebound, it only lasted around a year. I guess that I was more messed up from my first marriage then I thought, cause I was not ready for another relationship, but we (me and my 2nd wife) ended it on good terms, even were FWB's for a while, till I met my last girlfriend, online, who lives far away from me, and that didn't last either, more because of the distance than anything.
Well, to make a long story short, I kind lost it when I found out my 2nd wife was dating again. So it lead me to a very dark place, and eventually therapy, (which I am still in, btw) Wife #2's relationship ended, (I had nothing to do with it) and we stayed friends, and feeling bad about everything that had happened between us, I asked her if we could just start over, and she said, that she didn't want to be 2nd in my life, cause I still had feelings for my ex-girlfriend, she said that she wanted something real,and I said that I just wanted to try again, and see where it would take us, she said that she would think about it, Well, after catching her with a guy who was way younger than her at a bar, I realized that she is not really the type of friend or potential lover that I want, so I have cut all ties with her. Now, me and my ex-girlfriend (who is an online friend only) still talk, but that is as far as that can go, I have cut some of my emotional ties to her as well.
Which leads me back to the beginning, I am just trying to figure out my life, and it is taking me many places, that I never thought I would go, but I am just seeing what it is like to be single for the first time in my life as an adult, and yes, there are good things, and bad things, but I am still walking the journey, Stay tuned to see what happens from here!
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To link to this blog (redheadedguy35) use [blog redheadedguy35] in your messages.
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