the black bra
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Posted:Feb 24, 2009 3:46 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2009 5:04 pm
2563 Views
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The Black Bra
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels, and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
"The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bra, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams. I love you." "Then we made love all night long."
The mistress:
"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office, and I was wearing the leather bra, heels, mask over my eyes, and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night."
Then I had to share my story:
"My husband came home, and I was wearing the black leather bra, black stockings, stilettos, and a mask over my eyes." "As soon as he came in the door and saw me, he said", "What's for dinner, Batman?"
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Vegas Baby
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Posted:Feb 12, 2009 8:17 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1696 Views
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March 10th to the 14th we are going to be in Vegas at Hooters and looking for someone play with and hang for dinner and drinks
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Ain
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Posted:Feb 6, 2009 9:33 am
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2009 4:06 pm
2192 Views
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Truckers have known for some time that the California Air Resources Board isn’t messing around when it comes to emissions.
Now a large retail chain has found out about the state agency’s commitment to cutting emissions.
CARB recently announced it had fined Rite Aid Corporation $340,000 for violating the state’s clean air regulations. The company allegedly had sold windshield washer fluid that is specially formulated for colder, mountainous areas. Because the fluid was sold throughout the state, its use contributed to ozone creation in the state’s lower and warmer regions.
“California’s retail stores are responsible for assuring that the products they sell complies with our anti-smog regulations,” said Mary Nichols, CARB chairman.
Rite Aid was found to have sold more than 10,000 gallons of noncompliant product between 2003 and 2007, even after CARB requested they stop selling and stocking the product.
See they are not messing around out there...
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The Shit List
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2009 1:17 pm
2232 Views
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Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!
Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Shit The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
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They are up in bed
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 2:32 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1700 Views
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A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and dad?"
and she replied, "they`re up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where`s Mom and Dad?"
and she replied "they`re still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where`s Mom and dad?"
and his grandmother replied "they`re still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "whats so funny? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
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Different Asses
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Posted:Jan 4, 2009 2:31 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1651 Views
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Different Asses
Need to describe your ass or someone else's over the Internet but want it to be visual? Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:
(_!_) A regular ass
(__!__) A fat ass
(__)(__) A "wide load" ass
(!) A tight ass
(_*_) A sore ass
{_!_} A swishy ass
(_o_) An ass that's been around
(_x_) Kiss my ass
(_X_) Leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) A tired ass
(_E=mc2_) A smart ass
(_?_) Dumb ass
(_Lame_) Lame ass
(_jack_) Jackass
(_-$_) Cheap ass
(_0_) A Prison ass
(_) Half ass
(®^®) Registered ass
(__|___) Lop sided ass
(_:_) 2 holed ass
(_O_) Cavernous ass (an ass that's REALLY been around)
(Mom)(__) Tattooed ass
(_)||(_) Fucked ass
()() Ass print on a window
( * * ) Ass with dimples
(_X X_) A kicked ass
(_%_) An average ass
(_$_) A rich ass
[_!_] A hard ass
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more trucker jokes
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Posted:Dec 22, 2008 5:58 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1728 Views
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What’s the difference between a truck driver and Al Bundy?
How do Germans pronounce constipated?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
What does JB Hunt stand for?
answers........ None
Farfrompooooin
It’s kinda cute..but..can it pick up peanuts?
Just beginners holding up nation’s traffic!!
Heard about the little old lady truck driver who liked to knit while she drove? She was knitting away and a State Trooper notices she is speeding. He hollers PULLOVER She hollers back.......NO CARDIGAN!
How many truckers does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many blind people does it take to put in a light bulb?
What goes......VROOM.......screech....VROOM....screech...vroom..SCREECH?
How does Helen Keller drive?
What did the trucker say when someone asked if their signals were working?
Ya know about 18 wheelers don’t ya?
Why aren’t truckers allowed at Mac Donald’s anymore?
answers.......
It said under 17 not admitted
They eat beans for dinner
12 parking spaces
Smart
None, they’d rather sit in the dark and whine
It depends on weather the switch is on or off..
A new trucker at a flashing yellow light!!!!!
With one hand on the wheel, the other on the road
yes--no--yes--no--yes--no
They’re just 4 wheelers with 14 training wheels
They keep gettin hurt on the playground equipment
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OK A JOKE......CREATION OF OKLAHOMA
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Posted:Dec 21, 2008 9:39 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2009 2:27 pm
1892 Views
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Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for
six days.
Eventually, Michael, the Archangel found him resting on the
seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downward through the clouds. "I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it
Earth and it's going to be a great place of BALANCE."
"Balance?" said Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,
while Southern Europe is going to be poor, the Middle East over there will be a
hot spot. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people and over there
is a continent of black people".
God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold
and covered with ice."The Archangel impressed by God's work, then pointed to a
beautiful land in the center of a large mass. "What is that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That is Oklahoma the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and
prairie. The people from
Oklahoma are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous,
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hard-working and high-achieving and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and
carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them a
super-human football team,"The Sooners," which will be admired and feared
by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then
proclaimed, "What about
BALANCE, God? You said there will be BALANCE."
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loud-mouth
morons I'm putting next to them. I will call it TEXAS
Life is Short Break The Rules
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hmmm why the holidays suck and why fakers are for a good laugh
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Posted:Dec 15, 2008 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2008 1:50 pm
1962 Views
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going to be alone this christmas in Phoenix AZ......George will be on the road and just me and the dogs at the house...thats my life
just a add on now......people are so much the fakers on this site I love it such a good fuckin laugh at times...thye say one thing and then when its crunch time ahhhhh I am going to do something else.....such is my life....oh well enjoy each other
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needing help.....going to Vegas in Feb.....
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Posted:Dec 12, 2008 1:25 pm
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2008 3:21 pm
1656 Views
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like the topic says going to Vegas in Feb and going to take our co driver with us...and he really is not in the lifestyle so we are lookin for a single female to go with us ...he is 6'2" and weight is 280 and also 50 yrs old. His name is Scott. he would treat you like a lady or even better like a queen...heard from a ex of his that he can eat pussy like no one business...hotel and everything paid for let us know if your interested
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start planning ahead people...read all about it
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Posted:Dec 4, 2008 11:43 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1782 Views
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May 7th is National Masturbation Day. Though it’s true that we aren’t granted the Monday off work to observe this holiday, it behooves us to consider the topic and how we relate to it.
What part does masturbation play in our lives? We know that almost all men masturbate, and do so from adolescence onward. Dr. Alfred Kinsey, in his groundbreaking research of the fifties, found that sixty-two percent of females masturbated as well, although not as frequently as their male peers. When Shere Hite polled over eighteen hundred women in 1976 for The Hite Report, she found that 82% reported masturbating. As Victorian prohibitions fade into history, we may well find that women’s rates of self-pleasuring reach those of males’.
How do we feel about masturbation? We vary as much in our reactions to the topic of masturbation as we do about anything else sexual, complicated by the added layer of learned shame and secrecy. Unless prohibited, we masturbate throughout our life span. For some, masturbation is a natural part of living, not considered more than any other aspect of body care. For others, it is surrounded with great concern and guilt. For still others, it is celebrated joyously.
Are we comfortable discussing it? And with whom? Few of us would initiate a discussion about masturbation. Even if we do not associate self-pleasuring with guilt or shame, most of us consider it private. Perhaps we speak about it with our lovers, but we rarely address the subject otherwise, except perhaps in jest.
Why would we set aside a day to contemplate and celebrate masturbation anyway? The past few decades have seen a progressive acceptance of sexuality. Though not without controversy, sexual information is now more available than ever. When we break the code of silence around masturbation, we learn that it has no detrimental physical effects, helps to keep our genito-urinary tracts healthy into old age, and teaches us to become and remain responsive sexual partners. Indeed, a number of sexual problems affecting interpersonal relations are resolved with the aid of masturbatory exercises.
The comfort, exhilaration, and release experienced during masturbation affords us a way to feel good about ourselves without relying on another person. It provides us a sense of independence and choice. Also, as we learn our body’s unique response pattern, we can better transmit that information to intimate partners. Surely these are reasons to celebrate!
How best can we celebrate this holiday? National Masturbation Day offers us an opportunity to speak with others about the subject, especially with our . We can give them accurate information about this secret and taboo topic, letting them know that most (but not all) people touch themselves for pleasure, relieving them of confusion, shame, and embarrassment. We can share with them our personal, family, and cultural beliefs about the activity, and encourage dialogue about this, or any other, sexual issue. We thus make ourselves allies, and if we want our to make good decisions and enjoy happy lives, this alliance will protect and enhance us all.
This day devoted to pleasure can also encourage us to examine our own personal sexual responses and patterns. Perhaps this is an opportunity to make a date with ourselves, to explore how our bodies and preferences have changed, to indulge in new or favorite fantasies, to pamper ourselves, to luxuriate in delight.
After all, pleasure seems a lovely reason to celebrate.
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OOIDA member delivers Capitol Christmas tree
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Posted:Nov 30, 2008 7:10 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 2:28 pm
1703 Views
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Traffic is always a nightmare in and around Washington, DC. Now, imagine being the truck driver
OOIDA member Gordy Grove delivers the 73-foot Fir from Montana right on schedule on Monday, Nov. 24. charged with delivering the U.S. Capitol Christmas tree and maneuvering a specially designed 80-foot trailer through the busy streets to its final resting place on the West Lawn of the U.S. Capitol.
However, that’s exactly what OOIDA member Gordy Grove of Langley, WA, has done ‒ twice.
Grove, who drives for National Van Lines, delivered the tree right on schedule on Monday, Nov. 24.
OOIDA Vice President Todd Spencer was on hand to witness him roll into DC with his precious cargo ‒ a 73-foot subalpine Fir hand-picked from Montana. Spencer also had a chance to speak with Grove about his twice-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
“Gordy is a really good operator, a super nice guy and a true professional,” Spencer told Land Line Magazine on Wednesday, Nov. 26. “He really impressed the folks from the U.S. Forest Service. They had nothing but complimentary things to say about Gordy and his great driving abilities in maneuvering the trailer where it needed to be.”
Two staffers in OOIDA’s DC office were also there when Grove arrived with the tree, including Rod Nofziger, director of government of affairs, and Melissa Theriault, associate director of government affairs.
“The whole event was a reminder of everything that is good in our country ‒ something that is easily forgotten given the current economy,” Theriault told Land Line. “It was truly an honor to watch an OOIDA member deliver the Capitol tree.
The tree will be formally lit in a special lighting ceremony by Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, on Tuesday, Dec. 2.
In 2006, Grove was tapped on to deliver the 65-foot Pacific silver fir tree from his home state of Washington to Capitol Hill.
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