Kick-Off Horoscopes September 7-13
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Posted:Sep 7, 2009 12:35 pm
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2009 11:55 am
2656 Views
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Happy Birthday Sandra D!!!
VIRGO
Checks and payments arrive late. Something interrupts cash flow.
You find money, you lose money. Job news is delayed.
If you're a CEO, you will consider jumping from the roof.
It's a four day work week, friday is already near.
Private, personal and romantic themes require little cash.
Take this time to appreciate everyone who appreciates you.
Maintain and clean your possessions.
Get rid of what you no longer need.
LIBRA
You feel forgetful this week. Life gets very busy!
Things To Do list is huge, with only four days to do it.
Old business with business, and close friends pop up again.
Trying to juggle all the balls, when you can't remember them all.
This week, you can run but you can't hide.
Fall back on your stash of dark chocolate.
Because, drinking on the job, is very bad.
SCORPIO
Why are you attracting men and women alike?
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Your magnetism is turned way up and everyone notices.
People are drawn to you. You don't have to have fuck them.
Conversations with strangers, can mean business opportunity.
Listen closely to what people say and watch the body language.
You can also learn much about love and sex.
SAGITTARIUS
Old friends, lovers, and acquaintances return from your past.
People you knew from clubs and more than one orgy.
Use this to your advantage. Some of them have money.
You party hearty marty. Fuck and suck to the weekend.
You might learn something about your lack of a future.
A serious discussion will happen later this week.
Someone is really sick of your skanking around.
Try to get up for work in the morning, as you have spent every dime.
CAPRICORN
People will notice a difference in you.
Past problems with authority figures return.
You question changes in your life direction in general.
Something from the past will cause you to rethink things.
Being honest can make for deeper feeling between couples.
Tonight, celebrate your new understanding that you share.
Surprise her or him with a surprise.
Chance to resolve the unresolved love issues.
AQUARIUS
Trips might have been canceled or delayed, going or returning.
Education and schools could be stalled in the water.
Publishing, media, medicine, law, all your business will suffer.
Confusion in communications, delays and misunderstandings.
It will seem like a long week, setting the feel for September.
If you have a personal life, embrace it. It's all you will have.
PISCES
You have the opportunity to clean up old business.
Inheritances, insurance, taxes, debt, joint property.
You will face red tape in it's most hideous forms.
Any good from this, slow downs, force attention to detail.
If you have a significant other, if that person has patience.
You may endear a confidant with your soap drama of woe.
Your problems might attract the attention of someone hot.
ARIES
You are in the direct line of fire. You will run into or hear from old partners, ex-spouses, old friends and enemies.
The upside is, your opportunity to close or finish.
You put a new spin on things or change something you regret.
Try to play your cards right, for the positive opportunity.
You could get paid, laid and not made all by saturday.
TAURUS
Expect challenges to your tasks and employment.
It will impact your health and anything to do with small pets.
All areas will suddenly be turned upside down.
Because they suffer from delays, errors and confusion.
Old business from the past will be back in your lap again.
Good news is you can finish some of this stuff.
The bad news is it's back. And YOU have to face this stuff.
GEMINI
You will attract old flames and ex-lovers back into your life.
One in particular, because they can't make it on their own.
In addition, old business related to or grandchildren.
Expect action in sports, the arts, show business, and motels.
Never judge anything by its size, natural or plastic.
Watch out for misunderstandings with significant other, and their misconstrued messages.
They will want to take center stage, but style is never deep as substance.
CANCER
Expect to see relatives you haven't seen for a while.
Old family business returns with all the stress.
Don't let your family push your buttons.
Friends and lovers can inspire or relax you.
That can aid your get away from the unpleasant reunion.
Taking your mind off this week until sunday.
Be careful of new faces, but don't hide in the background.
LEO
The week is negative amplified. Cars and phones die.
Pay phone bill, check your tires, perform overdue de-frags.
Sex and money did not pay off last week. That was last week.
This week is a chance to look at mixing the two.
E-mail and post mail lacking in business gain in romance.
Don't scare away the one you want.
Don't sell out cheap to the ones you don't want.
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Rihanna Loves Chris: The Movie
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Posted:Aug 26, 2009 8:53 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2009 12:09 pm
2700 Views
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Chris Brown sentenced.
Movie scripts being produced at this moment.
Five years probation.
Can't assault another girl on a date, before 2014.
Or he will be in really serious trouble this time mister.
Fortunately the Mayan Calendar and the world ends 2012.
Community service.
Meet his gangsta, girlfriend beating followers.
Promote his new "clean" image, when the press is nearby.
Re-establish his brain/dead, pop/bubblegum fan base.
Remind everyone to get out, buy the CD and see his concert.
House Arrest.
Finish the remainder of his sentence at home in Virgina.
Away from the tabloids and photo vultures.
Recharge his batteries for the upcoming tour.
Put finishing touches on yet to be released music.
Order of Restraint.
Stay one hundred yards away from girl he's tired of fucking.
The girl he savagely beat, to get her out of his vehicle.
Same girl that refused to press charges against him.
Instead she claims that she still loves him.
He has to leave California, change his phone number.
Or she would still be calling him, following him.
And begging to get back with him.
Who are we angry at the most?
Chris for being a privileged criminal.
His superb legal defense team.
The broken justice system.
Rihanna and her dumb ass.
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Ambiguous Horoscopes For August 16-23
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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 11:47 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2010 2:53 pm
2569 Views
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LEO
Casual socializing is not betraying anyone.
Enjoy yourself during this self-imposed exile.
You feel smothered by a lover who keeps calling you.
Repressed by anothers love, that you don't want.
Loathing, and longing for that someone you can't get.
Welcome to the rest of your summer.
VIRGO
You are not going insane. It's all emotional. Purely in your head.
Drink more wine coolers. Summer is drawing to a close.
You feel you missed something. Enjoy the sunshine, laugh.
Autumn and snugly romantic evenings are just beyond,
hurricane and typhoon season.
LIBRA
Libra often get lucky in love. Casual sex, not so much.
Autumn is nearing. Do this one the right way.
Don't go for the easy piece of ass this week.
Challenge build strength. Adversity is a nine letter word.
You could use that, the next time you play Scrabble.
SCORPIO
Stop dodging someone, they will only cling to you even more.
You are stalling and lying. You want to dump this person.
But you have not lined up your next fuck buddy yet.
Your deception will be misconstrued as intention.
Put off your decisions until next week.
SAGIITARIUS
Realtionships are blown out of the water this week.
Commitment makes your skin crawl.
You often feel the need to strike a blow for your own freedom.
Your significant other often feels a need strike you.
Your so-called freedom is just an idea you have.
Take the bad advice of a person you mistakenly trust.
It will keep you trapped in this dead relationship.
CAPRICORN
Strong relationships can get deeper. Substance is good!
Talking with depth equals intimacy. Clear up the problematic.
Just getting to know each other couples enjoy ease of the verbal.
Enjoy a wonderful times together. Look at the stars.
The warm summer evenings, are numbered.
Enjoy a picnic romantic dinner outside.
AQUARIUS
What you do this week, comes back at you.
So be honest, do favors, take notes, establish an alibi.
Reward will far outweigh intensity at the moment of truth.
Jilted lovers have long memories. And know where you live.
It's time for you to be true to yourself.
And to the person you are trying to fuck over.
PISCES
The person you continue to lead on is not that stupid.
Is this the one? Or someone to fill your idle time?
Charm aside, they can see through your exterior.
And your indifference is showing. Voice your intentions.
Or stop wasting everyones time. To be or not to be more intimate.
ARIES
You can't have cold feet, it's summer. Make your move already.
You will get a second chance. But not a third chance!
Say something, send a note, pick up the phone. Anything!
This person will not disappoint you. Stop killing time.
You will only disappoint yourself by waiting too long.
TAURUS
Love looks good. The honeymoon continues. Nurture this.
It's does not come around often. Don't screw up the works.
Communicate about your natural anxiety.
They appreciate your straight talk approach.
Strength and conviction is honesty, and that's sexy.
GEMINI
Think, talk, drive fast. Because you are accident prone this week.
A big enough crash will get you attention and admiration.
Stay away from careful sharp, conservative people.
They can see through your logic that based on feces.
Dummy down ideas and use small words for your significant other.
Who is not very bright. And believes in you regardless.
CANCER
Difficulties in romance this week.
Someone needs time to decide if you are worth the effort.
You are stuck waiting for the verdict.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is be true.
The more absence they are, the more fond you become...of them.
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Chris Brown wants you to forgive him....and buy his CD.
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Posted:Aug 11, 2009 12:55 pm
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2009 9:59 pm
2840 Views
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Chris Brown has released a public apology video.
To circulate for approval, before the release of his music CD.
Brown hopes the short memory span public and approaching NFL season will soften the impact.
Offering him acceptance and sales.
Brown reads from cards and pauses for dramatic effect.
Uses the word "incident" instead of out of control savage beating.
His performance is a as stiff as his ballads, very contrived.
Brown refers to himself as a role model.
Maybe Kevin Federline-Spears still looks up to him.
Brown had beaten and hospitalized his girlfriend, Rihanna.
Gaining them exposure, without showing up for the music awards show.
Rihanna portrayed the ignorant, press no charges girlfriend.
Because: "I love him so much" and "He did not mean it"
This endeared her to the daytime Oprah watchers.
Brown desired a tougher image.
He was too pretty, wanting to look past his bubblegum audience.
Not thug enough for the market, needing some street cred.
This move was to cement his status as "a gangsta".
For the most part a poor mans Usher and knock off of Nelly.
Brown still lacks any real leading man ability.
And will never ascend to the heights of a Luther Vandross.
The beating, tabloid publicity and courtroom maneuvers failed.
Brown and Rihanna were viewed as a Ike and Tina wanna-be.
Minus the talent. If this happens in the projects, not one cares.
Hopefully Rihanna and her low self-esteem will stay with counseling.
And Brown will pick up and try to get tough the wrong transvestite....I can only hope.
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Your Horoscope, Your Future, August 9 -16.
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Posted:Aug 10, 2009 9:51 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 10:33 am
2706 Views
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Happy Birthday Antonio Banderas
LEO
Why not take this one home? It has staying power.
Consistency in love is great. If it's someone you love!
If not, it's like being smothered with saran wrap.
Balance their attention with their generosity.
Take care. This person is horny, rested and ready to rock.
Staying power could mean stamina to fuck until YOU past out.
Enjoy.
VIRGO
The me-me-me celebration this week won't last, enjoy it now.
Make sure your favorite eye candy knows you have a serious side. That will be return next week.
Save some feisty passionate ideas, to match your energy for late summer.
All, that wild, sexual energy need not go to waste.
LIBRA
While being considerate of others, your needs are lost.
This week combine curiosity with adventure.
Put your concerns for others on hold, as seek out the unfamiliar.
Of course if you see a house on fire, pitch in with the bucket line.
But beyond life and limb, pleasure waits beyond the gate.
SCORPIO
Great sex is yours this week. If you can withstand the constant talking of someone, that can't shut up!
Meet half-way. Talk over drinks. LARGE ONE for you.
Or save intimate pillow talk for the moments when you return from the kitchen with ice cream,
cigarettes, or whatever you two do after fucking. This way you can dose off as they ramble on.
SAGITTARIUS
You get all the genital stimulation you want this week.
The challenge is keeping your legs closed long enough to stand up and find mental and emotional stability.
Changes in the attitudes of your sex partners, approach the actual number of your sex partners.
Attraction will vanish when you think they take you seriously.
CAPRICORN
Keep up the romantic show in your love life, for the sake of appearances.
This week does not bring half the sex of last week.
The secret is if you look attached, you look taken, which means you look desirable.
Take advantage of that with a hot, bothered and confused lover. Who is desperate to get laid.
AQUARIUS
This week you have all the depth and substance of a Sagittarion.
Intercourse looks promising this week. Your feelings lack consistency,
making it hard for anyone to trust you.
Lighten up, you're more fun when you appear to be under the influence of having smoked crack.
Next week you be more like your Aquarius self. With the ability to think.
PISCES
Affairs of the heart are better this week! Your loved one is relishing your attention.
Drag out this week and make it last.
Enjoy the best of both worlds. Sunday when this trend ends is miles away.
Stop wasting time. She or he will certainly love you for it.
ARIES
You are attracted by different people and different activities. If you're married,
engaged, or even loyal to your lover, don't fuck up a good thing.
Constant changes to please yourself could drive away a special person.
Don't let your mood or opinion create conditions that shift the relationship to bad in an instant.
TAURUS
Your attention to detail is legendary. The higher powers up the food chain love you.
Solitude is often necessary. This week you become a recluse.
You need to get out of the office, get out of the house.
Overtime is only making this worse.
This week you lock eyes with a captivating water sign, but that means, looking up from the time clock long enough.
GEMINI
Relax. Last weeks, relationship week from hell is over.
Fresh start. Chances for fucking are everywhere.
Take care, your significant other stays in the dark this time!
Remember all that "we need to talk" garbage?
Want to listen to all that again? Go slow in matters of the heart this week.
But don't avoid them altogether. Others trusting you, is your opening.
For lying, using them and manipulation.
CANCER
Pretending you're happy will lead to a missed opportunity.
Be honest, because your lover thinks you are happy.
You don't want to rock the boat, but the boat is taking on water.
Why? They don't notice the leak and you're busy ignoring it.
Communicate, talk, welcome a change of plans.
Better to flood a waterbed, than go down on the Titanic.
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Marketing For Stupid People: Mom Jeans.
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Posted:Aug 5, 2009 2:15 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2009 9:18 pm
2632 Views
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MOM JEANS:
Denim material with an elastic waist band.
No belt loops for a belt. No belt needed.
Popularized by suburban mothers, with no sense of fashion.
The waist band worn above the navel.
Why do fashion writers ridicule them?
Because they are ugly, and worn by people who should stay at home.
Jessica Simpson wore them. When she was the size of a house.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did a SNL sketch to stop the wearing of mom jeans.
The jeans still exist. Purchased at and often worn to Wal-Mart.
What is called mom jeans by pop culture, is not mom jeans.
The word mom is being associated with MILF and old.
Making it taboo to wear anything called "mom jeans"
This terrifies the target youth age group.
They max out credit cards to own the "right jeans"
Attempts change the perception of jean style:
The high waist is not high.
Your waistline is just below your navel.
Your waist is not below your ass crack. That's your ass.
The leg is tapered, straight or boot cut.
The over-sized gangster baggy pants are TOO BIG.
On the positive, stupid people wearing baggy pants,
are easier to catch in a foot chase by police.
Not wearing a belt, with belt loop pants, is fine.
If they stay up and are comfortable!
Stupid people hold up over-sized pants with one hand.
Because they are too ignorant to use a belt.
The faded blue denim is called worn, as in comfortable.
Not to be confused with the morons paying $100 for a worn look.
President Barack Obama wore tapered leg, belt loop jeans.
He did not wear a belt, did not need it.
He threw out a ceremonial first pitch at the MLB All-Stars.
Same jeans he would wear playing catch with friends.
High-waist pleated slacks were a hot fashion in the 1980s.
Jean Claude Van Damme wore high waist kicking pants.
The waist was above the navel, the crotch extra loose.
The legs were extra loose, they never ripped making his movies.
Chuck Norris had a boot cut, belt loops version for high kicks.
The waist band at his natural waistline. His style more western.
Jean Claudes high waist was a European style.
Correct size, straight leg casual jeans are cast as taboo.
So that the brain-dead idiot continues to purchase clown pants.
Marketing For Stupid People.
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Horoscopes for the conceited..... August 2nd-9th.
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Posted:Aug 3, 2009 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2009 6:30 pm
2721 Views
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY....TO ME.
LEO
This week awakens very powerful feelings.
Confusion, lust, greed...etc. Direction in a complicated relationship changes daily.
You're anxious to fuck someone new or frustrated by not getting enough from your current fuck toy.
Avoid commitments and giving out your home address for now.
VIRGO
Relationships heat up this week. You attract someone who likes to fuck you, but not fuck with you.
Enjoy the sex and the brief attention, don't make a serious decision. They're not.
Expect some friction, and not the good kind, from your significant other.
Which could also lead to make up sex.
And more brief attention.
LIBRA
While giving everyone else a hand, you forget yourself.
If you lend a hand to a friend, be sure it's mutual.
Finishing your own task gives you satisfaction and lets you relax.
But, that's just giving yourself a hand job.
Voyeurs will want to meet you, just to watch.
SCORPIO
You seduce someone who does not know any better.
Have fun, live out fantasy. Imagination and lies are the key.
Enjoy yourself. Look for a spur of the moment person.
Who is too dense to think fast. You seize the moment.
And don't worry about their future.
SAGITTARIUS
Your sexual games are fun. Until you think you're important.
And more than a masturbation device for your latest lover.
Your romantic feelings shut down your brain.
Much like blowing out a small candle.
As you follow your heart, listen for your significant other laughing themselves silly.
You can follow the sound as you come crawling back to reality.
CAPRICORN
Level headed people say strange things to you all week.
Opinions change by the hour. You don't know where anyone stands.
Don't look for truth or commitments. "You can't handle the truth"
Enjoy the insanity of passion. Pretend everyone trying to fuck you is Jack Nicholson playing The Joker.
AQUARIUS
Pick up and falsely accuse another sexual detainee by mid-week.
Get a jump on the weekend. Be imaginative before Thursday.
Until Wednesday midnight, deception is your ticket.
Promise devotion, press charges of guilt, show no evidence of integrity.
But keep them locked away through the weekend.
You want romance and sexual relief. Not a relationship.
PISCES
Your emotions will go off the chart. Drink, or sit alone and cry. That will get you to the weekend.
You think the weeks over?
Saturday will be mean, angry and tough. Sunday is tense, when one of your dark secrets is exposed.
You spend the weekend sobbing, fearing the world on Monday.
Drink and cry watching the clock.
ARIES
You feel serious and no nonsense. You open your heart.
Your cards are on the table, as you pour out your soul.
You are put off by loud crowded places, where you can't be heard.
Stick to sedate coffee houses, a romantic booth in the back.
All you have to fear is complete rejection and ridicule.
TAURUS
More people make for a more exciting orgy. Even if you stay at home, open the door to intoxicated horny party people.
Singles will meet people very easily. A open house + a free bar + a bed = friends.
Those part of a couple should try not to lose their significant other.
In the crowd or during the horrible fight that happens the next morning.
GEMINI
Having to be a caring significant other fucks up your life.
Your social plans are simple. Satisfy yourself at your lovers expense.
Someone will equate isolation, abuse and indifference with being mistreated. Imagine that?
When someone realizes you are poison, get away from them.
Put on your other lying twin face and go hurt someone else.
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Confrontational Horoscopes July 20th-26th.
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Posted:Jul 20, 2009 11:18 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2009 12:07 pm
3138 Views
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gisele Bundshen
CANCER
Eat up flattery. Flirting is harmless and essential. You've been feeling low. Mindless, harmless flirtation is what your self-esteem needs. Spend, splurge, show off, and dine. As long as you are footing the bill everyone will love you. If you're in a relationship, don't forget you're in a relationship.
LEO
Don't be judgmental, because your sweetheart has the spotlight. Everyone deserves recognition for things done well.
Does not mean that you've become second best. You're just not first in line for their attentions. Patience!
Confrontation and smothering will put you at the end of a different longer line.
VIRGO
This week start a new project. Reason? Your lover seems distant. You have time on your hands. Before working late with a hot co-worker, try to see it from your lover's perspective. You will learn something. Their silence was your fault! A long talk to address the problem, leads to reconciliation, with leads to eventual physical intercourse.
LIBRA
Forgive and forget. Significant other deserves a second chance.
Infidelity and lying is a part of life. Here's your chance. Grudges only make matters of the heart worse. What's holding you back is stubbornness. Get over yourself.
You're not the first person to be fucked around on.
SCORPIO
A new found sense of self brightens your spirit, opens you to new possibility. When you finally let the pain go, you can breathe again. The hard times will be over. You will be able to cleanse away the heartache, with a flame igniting your new path.
Yeah, lots of things COULD happen. Would like fries with that wish?
SAGITTARIUS
Try to let go of all your stupid off-the-wall tendencies.
Good will to meaningful people, means favors returned.
Your lover has been exaggerating to get a rise out of you.
It's certainly working, you get angry, you make mistakes.
You two fight, you believe a half-ass apology.
You fall for quickie make up sex.
CAPRICORN
Your outburst of negative feelings to your lover makes your relationship awkward. Your bruised ego will pass. Swallow your pride. Your significant other is entitled to their opinion.
Your stubbornness is driving a special someone away from you.
Get off your fucking soapbox and ease up!
Go have a drink and whine to the bartender.
AQUARIUS
Impatience supported by lies. Be wary, but all can be repaired.
Changes this week, you need to take this very seriously.
Or you could be very much by yourself by friday. Moderation...compromise...temperance, but see what is.
In matters of the heart, you see what you want to see.
PISCES
You're the only one who can make a difference this week. Cuddling alone isn't going to do it. You're extra effort in romance is better than masturbation to Home Shopping Network segments.
The investment of time and energy is worth it, right?
Your flippant changes and cold demeanor drive lover's away.
And you are now being turned on by cubic zirconia.
ARIES
Be careful, this no time for games. The only person to get hurt is you. Trust your instincts and tact with this love interest. No need to put on a show, this person is falling for you.
Now, do you follow through with romance or just get laid?
The attraction turning fatal or happy is up to you.
TAURUS
Don't obsess over that person. It's taking a toll on your mental and physical health. Seek help. What's meant to be or not, is a belief system for losers. If that's what your gut is telling you, flip a coin. Intuition doesn't lie, but you know that already. But it's one thing to know it and another thing to follow it. With each bag of chips, say to yourself: It will be O.K....It will be O.K.....
GEMINI
Time to take care of yourself. Drinking binges with unprotected sex are fun, until your liver rots and you grind your teeth when peeing. Immune system not ready for the fucking coming up.
Nor is your current partner. Reality check/STD scare in store.
If you're not happy in your present relationship, end it.
Stop wasting their time and endangering their health.
Or is it just yours? Infidelity is a game for two.
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Gun Control, Ammo Shortages and Black Helicopters
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Posted:Jul 17, 2009 10:10 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 10:33 am
3107 Views
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At the start of the United States venture into Iraq.
It seemed smart to invest in gun manufacturers and ammo production.
It was a good financial move.$
During the 2008 election, gun advocates feared a ban on full automatic military-style weapons.
The band had nothing to do with pistols, shotguns, or semi-automatic rifles.
It did not matter, gun freaks went into a buying frenzy.$$
January 2009
U.S. Representative Bobby Rush introduced a Firearm Licensing and Record of Sale Act.
The right-wing nut cases bought more registered guns to go with their unregistered guns. The unregistered guns are safe.
Because the evil gun taking democrats will be happy finding the closet full of registered guns.$$$
March 2009
Department Of Defense would no longer auction spent casings. They would shred and sell them as metal to commodities markets.
Montana Senators Jon Tester and Max Baucus persuaded the DOD to reverse this course.
But not before another wave of ammo purchases.$$$$
State level efforts to have manufacturers laser inscribe each bullet with a serial number, failed in seven states, including Alabama. Probably because it's a trick. The black helicopters can track you to your home and take your bullets.
Forget the ballistic and crime fighting advantage.
Never the less, this lead to more ammo buying.$$$$$
I sold my carry revolver and my home defense shotgun.
I purchased two hand guns. A semi-auto for home defense.
A revolver for personal carry. They are both registered.
Now, stop reading and go buy some more bullets.
I heard the government has cameras in traffic signals.
Taking photos of your finger grip on the steering wheel.
Determines whether you trigger pull right or left hand.
To fight this evil plot, buy yet another gun.
One strickly for your support hand.
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Astrology You Can Trust July 13-18.
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Posted:Jul 13, 2009 9:15 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 10:33 am
2467 Views
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CANCER
Trust no one, especially in matters of the heart!
Not even this message. Read e-mails between the lines.
You'll look squinty, and strangers will want to see also.
Stop being so negative, act like you're happy.
You're shocked, what you discover about your possible lover. Don't judge, just enjoy. While it lasts.
LEO
You've been bending over backwards and forwards far too long.
It's time for your lover to own up to this relationship.
Resentment, anxiety and depression is growing.
It will be better for you both, to express something difficult. You are both fucking the wrong people!
VIRGO
Surprise your sweetheart with tickets to that favorite place.
Rekindle the passion that needs tending once in a blue moon.
If you're single, there is a Gemini watching you from afar.
Buy a taser. Pay attention. This person is not what you think. You may be surprised not to get STD.
LIBRA
Someone is shy making the first move. Open the door.
Could lead to something really exciting and unexpected.
Listen carefully to what this person has to say to you, too.
You might hurt someone. Not just lack of lubrication.
There is a heart you're toying with.
SCORPIO
Get a second opinion. Read another horoscope.
You're entitled to experiment, and that goes for dating, too.
Do you need to settle down right now? Desperate maybe?
You may be initially blinded by lust.
Difficult to make rational decisions when you feel like this.
Don't sign anything yet, just relish the feeling.
SAGITTARIUS
Make a decision already! Suffering isn't necessary.
You're making your significant other miserable.
And your lover is suffering also. Don't ask which one.
Just hope they don't all meet at the same health clinic.
Tensions always ease enjoying a good film.
Well, a movie night may lend itself to healing!
You solve many problems with a back row blow job.
CAPRICORN
Stop stalling. Make a decision, what are you a Sagittarius?
Your lover is in no emotional condition to decide.
You wanted a basket case, for easy sex. Deal with it.
So make a move. Be strong. It's going to be great.
Passion sparks. An outdoor date is the key!
It's summer....and it's cheap.
AQUARIUS
Don't brush off ideas this week. Anything can happen, even that.
Yes, anal is an option. Don't think that you're the only one.
A special someone has been thinking it too.
Speak up, and please don't blame yourself, if you misread.
The first step to recovery is acceptance.
The second step is to leave the situation.
PISCES
Drowning in work this week? Leave it all behind.
Call someone, and rendezvous. You want to get paid or get laid?
People born between November 21 and December 21 don't count.
For them both go hand in hand.
If you're single, things are not as they seem.
Don't jump to conclusions, hastiness leads to heartache.
Don't lose you heart and job in the same week.
ARIES
Work proves taxing this week, but worth it.
Because your July nights look promising and sexy.
So be positive at work. Friday will arrive.
You're not the only person in the world.
Your holy attitude is having a opposite effect on your job.
Have you noticed the flat tires and key scratches?
You want to be around for Friday, don't you?
TAURUS
Don't overindulge this week. Have you seen your ass in a mirror?
A certain someone has been secretly wishing that you would.
Change for your health, selfish reasons and your love life.
Someone wants to make your acquaintance.
Maybe it's Jenny Craig or Paula Dean.
If you're in a relationship, don't be vindictive.
Hiding your Fig Newtons is tough love.
GEMINI
Enough is enough. It's time to settle, your lover hopes.
Promiscuity is your approach to relationships.
Don't take offense to biting remarks this week. Take notice.
You live to hurt the one you pretend to love.
Quiet time with your significant other,
over very strong cocktails opens communication.
Also known as, giving the two face twin a chance to lie.
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The Next President of Alaska.
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Posted:Jul 7, 2009 3:05 pm
Last Updated:Jul 13, 2009 2:42 pm
3818 Views
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Why did Sarah Palin leave her position as Governor?
To host a radio call-in show? NO
Become a FOX NEWS Barbie clone? NO
Write a book, and go on signing tours? NO
Do guest TV appearances as herself? NO
To presidentially embrace the republican party? NO
The party is split and in meltdown.
The extreme right wing should distance itself.
Placing all blame on the moderate branch.
This party could be the party of zero tolerance.
People that trace their linage from the pilgrims,
that arrived on the Mayflower.
To present day, canned food and ammo stock piling survivalists.
Read Sarah Palins positions before McCain/Palin.
Her stance was anti-immigration, anti-gay marriage,
anti-abortion, anti-gun control, pro-drilling.
This was toned down for her role as Caribou Barbie.
Stand in father figure McCains shadow, read from the card.
When she spoke on her own, people thought she was crazy.
An equal number loved her, all of these people vote.
Large numbers of republicans, feel the party abandoned them.
Governor Mark Sanford needs a day job.
Rick Perry and his Texas July 4th Tea Bag Party.
Roy Moore of Alabama feeling like an outcast.
Stop trying to be the moderate republican.
Don't leave the party to join the democrats.
Maintain the ideas and principles, unite as a major party.
These people are connected and there is already civil unrest.
It need only be encouraged by suspicion and hate.
Texas could leave the United States by document.
Holding keys to 80% of the border of Mexico.
Control of immigration labor and NAFTA entry.
Alaska could leave via taxation without representation.
While linked to the Russian Federation and Canada.
The Texas/Alaska Alliance would divide the United States.
It will be haven to the black helicopter watchers
and the straw man believers.
Election Day 2012 is 1,214 days away.
Sarah Palin is counting the minutes.
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Horoscopes to Stun and Amaze July 6th-12th.
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Posted:Jul 6, 2009 10:49 am
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2009 12:23 pm
2874 Views
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CANCER
The coming weekend will carry you to a special dreamland where imagination replaces the ordinary. This is also the new advertisement for Super 8 Motels. Escape from your routine and do wonders for your lagging sex life. Which was their second choice. Relax and enjoy the ride. You will know how to find your way back to reality when the Viagra wears off, the last condom is ripped and you beat the 11AM check out time.
LEO
Reflect on the near future. You have the chance to bring desire from your mind and focus on the law of attraction, to help you finance a dream. Also known as finding a Generous Benefactor. A spiritual approach, in which you do soul searching, will bring benefits. A televangelist Generous Benefactor. Venus is in Gemini, encouraging you to interact and arrange some nights out. You'll be very much in demand starting on Saturday. Guys re-watch American . Girls and T-Girls shine up your fuck me-five inch heels. Cha Ching!
VIRGO
Emotions rise to the surface. Not a good time to begin a new affair. Will not work out in the way you hope. Wait a week, if you want a more meaningful outcome. Meaning, fucking around without getting caught. You may decide to date someone who is less hard work, easier to screw over. Friends help you by the end of the week. Giving you just the boost, excuse, alibi or diversion you need to avoid any relationship responsibility, you might have dodged earlier.
LIBRA
Domestic issues are the focus. Love life continues to be upbeat. You and lover discussing financial issues. End of the week will change this. You may decide it's time to go away on vacation and spoil yourselves. The job is important, YOU STILL HAVE ONE. There is a clash between your career plans and issues at home. You feel as though you're being pulled in two directions at once. The answer is to listen to your heart. Find balance.
Money is a valuable tool. But it's just paper.
If you can't spend it on, who you want to spend it with.
SCORPIO
The big news in your communication zone. You may have very intense feelings about one project, person or place. This week you may come to the realization that you have to drop it, finance it yourself or face harassment charges. It may be impracticality or a matter of timing. By letting go, you'll leave space for a bigger idea that has greater impact and could create greater success. That you will also lose due to lack of mutual interest.
SAGITTARIUS
You surprise yourself and your significant other.
By wanting to change the moral and social values that get in the way of your relationships between human beings. After coasting by obstacles like fidelity and loyalty in your own life, you realize that actual people struggle with them everyday.
You decide it's time to do away with them once and for all.
Who needs those people, anyway? Be careful of the private lives of the lovers close to you. And respectful of your paying . Not everyone is as lacking in self-respect as you are!
CAPRICORN
You're in trouble again, and you know it. People have a hard time understanding you and what you want. You are in a imaginary world that has nothing to do with reality. Make Monday part of a four day weekend. No one should miss you. However, if you have to go into work, try to be as clear as possible with others. Otherwise your proposals could fall on deaf ears.
Make space for new circumstances in life, changes to relationships and personal plans. In the long term, it proves to be a blessing.
AQUARIUS
Passion and romance late on Saturday night puts you in a spicy mood. Your clever words, witty banter and playful spirit makes it easy to gain the attention of the intoxicated and the easily amused. The best part is that you can feel so relaxed, because you are one of them. This allows you to tease your audience with a lighthearted humor that lets you get away with just about anything. As long as the drinks flow.
PISCES
The coming weekend dramatizes your emotions and brings your feelings to the surface. This could be a delicious time if you relax and allow for fantasy to influence romance. This is not the right moment to think about a commitment. Just because someone indulges your sick twisted perversions, does not mean they are to be seen as a life long companion.
Come back to earth before making serious decisions.
ARIES
Your passions bounce into action on Saturday night to pick up the social pace. If you're feeling sluggish earlier in the week, slow down from the marathon three day weekend. Take a break before the short but intense two day weekend. Smart talk will be a major turn on to the public radio addicts. Keep comments playful, these people cry at tree huggings. If words become too edgy, no one will win in the game of love.
TAURUS
Support of friends makes a world of difference this weekend.
The social grind, grinds you, when you're doing it on your own. Going out with a group, makes the experience so much more enjoyable. And it adds to the number of people handing out bottles of water to homeless derelicts at traffic signals. Connect with someone while doing community work. Another positive potential for having a good time, is seeing how many panhandlers you can hit with frozen bottles of ice.
GEMINI
You could feel a little left out on Friday and much of Saturday. But then the alcohol, selfish needs and lack of respect for anyone other than yourself shifts to infuse you with excitement and energy. You're ready and willing to talk to anyone. Anyone who will make you the center of attention and run to get you another drink. Just be gentle with that new special someone who doesn't like to be pushed. This is not you long time lap significant other....yet.
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Heat affects ability to reason.
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Posted:Jul 1, 2009 2:24 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 10:33 am
2593 Views
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Mobile, Alabama.
Man burglarized adult video novelty store.
According to store manager, the man "appeared to
know exactly what he was after,"
"The surveillance shows he went right to what he wanted."
An inflatable doll, a bottle of lubricant
and a pocket-sized sexual stimulation device.
The loss, not counting the broken store window, $92.00
No money was taken from the store.
He did not try out the items before taking them.
Police ask anyone who can identify the man,
from the front page photo to please contact them.
Columbia, South Carolina.
Governor Sanford was not lynched by democrats
nor his wife. Confused at this fortunate turn of events,
he revealed explosive details of his affair.
Referring to his mistress as his soul mate.
In an unnecessary press conference he continued
to destroy his career, naming additional women from his past.
The republican party is trying to stand firm.
He did refuse the Obama tainted stimulus money.
But statements of "a forbidden love, it was more than sex,
and I'm trying to fall in love with my wife"
make it very difficult to link arms, with a man who has described
himself as "spectator at his own political funeral."
Montgomery, Alabama
Incarcerated former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman is asking for a new trial.
Serving time in federal prison the governor
now wants his day in court again. At the moment he is released on appeal bond.
Earlier appeals had failed. The problem is each
time Siegelman gets new attention, the outcome gets worse.
His partner in the doomed 1999 bribery venture is serving a seven year sentence. Quietly in Texas.
There is no shame in doing country club prison time.
Work on your book, your tennis game and look forward to 2012.
Pensacola Beach, Florida
This weekend multitudes of tourists leave work early Thursday. Speeding to arrive, so that they can inch along in traffic.
To pay a large parking fee, near the Gulf of Mexico.
So they can wade through salt water.
While standing in 108 degree heat.
Get sunburn, heat stroke, and possible food poisoning.
Teenagers intoxicated, husbands miserable, wives irritable
and cranky. Cars will stall and overheat.
Pets will pee everywhere.
Anywhere, Texas.
This will be a dry, hot weekend.
Professional firework displays paying tribute to our
national birthday will be ignored, by select people.
Because some idiot wants to buy 3 for 1 firecrackers from
another idiot parked by the highway.
If not for the pride of patriotism....
firemen, EMTs and nurses would hate this weekend.
You can get so cold, you can't think.
But heat affects the ability to reason.
The only thing to do is tie and gag the person,
and sit them in the shade.
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